On Food and Diets

“The only way to stay healthy and slim is to eat all you want of everything that you don’t like. That’s awfully difficult when my idea of vegetables is carrot cake, onion bread and pumpkin pie.”

“The closest I have to a balanced diet is holding a biscuit in each hand.”

“Put it this way, if every packet of smokes had a warning label that said, Cigarettes Contain Fat sales would drop to zero overnight in the modelling industry.”

“Eat, drink and be merry girls, for tomorrow ye may diet.”

“I thank God that the size zero phenomenon, imposed by the distorted views of gay men and loony stylists, and sanctioned by the continuing popularity of celebs like Victoria Beckham and Nicole Richie, has not entirely crossed the Irish waters.”

“One of life’s greatest mysteries is how a two pound box of chocolates can make you gain five pounds. Even Einstein didn’t work this one out, so why beat ourselves up over it? Cake is nature’s answer to Prozac. So let’s not feel guilty about the calorific content, face the fact that diets don’t work. But worry, chronic depression and panic attacks shed pounds. So what are we waiting for? Just get neurotic.

“Forget about Exercise. We should just grab our wallets and go for some retail therapy. Walking from shop to shop is strenuous enough. While we’re at it, we can invest in some body shaping underwear. Figures don’t lie, girls, but Lycra redistributes the truth.”

If we love whiskey why drink sparkling water? If we crave Camembert, why eat tofu? Let’s stop worrying about what others think and how we seem to them. If you’re a Greyhound, why try look like a Pekingese? Starve not and regret not. The good life is waiting..”

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