Memorial Speech by Katy’s sister, Jill Eulogy for Katy.

It is a lot more difficult for me to get up and speak now about my sister one year on. I suppose now I have a little more awareness of what is happening around me, but it just seems to be all the more difficult as I am not sure that what has come to pass is something I will ever understand.

Each day I am reminded that Katy is gone or not here, though I still do not know what that means.  All my memories of her are still so fresh in my mind that it is unfathomable that someone so vibrant with such an inexorable life force is no longer right here … it actually doesn’t feel right to call them memories at all because her presence is so strong. It is as if those memories themselves are living beings.  I guess this is sometimes why in moments of absence I pick up my phone, dial her number and expect her to answer or spot a gift or trinket and think of buying it for her.

Something I have said before is that Katy is Love.  I would like now to explain to you,  perhaps a little, why I say that Katy is Love… it seems like a strange sentence… How can a person be love? A person can love and can be loved but to describe a person as being love is a bit of a whimsical notion.  So I will attempt to describe this to you in a very honest way…

There have been so many times when I have questioned: why Katy and not me?  Now this may seem somewhat narcissistic.  But it is not until you lose a sibling that you realise just how strong that bond is,  not just emotionally but physically Your blood is their blood, your muscles, lungs, bones…. your organs….. your skin and your heart  is one and the same as theirs.  And so it is incomprehensible to even try to understand that their lungs are not expanding and contracting like yours and that their veins do not pulse with blood as yours do or that their heart does not beat with the same rhythm as yours.  And truthfully that is why I can not grasp why my body lives whilst hers has faded.  There is a deep wound that my sick body tries to heal but cannot for it knows that a part of it has died.  My life and body… so wholly apart of her as hers was mine.

I guess it is these things that force upon me that question:  why am I not with her now? What made her life complete? What knowledge or understanding, experience or skill has she gained to have fulfilled her purpose, if one may put it so, and yet I who have walked beside her and having been made of her have yet to learn?
We all have our hardships in life and in a short period of time Katy and I went through quite a few. And I know we both questioned as many people do… why? Is there some bigger meaning to it all?  And I often thought  it was because fate had some great task in store or that I had to prove myself or my strength in some way so that I may be worthy of something good and wonderful in the future.

But it is only now that I see the truth… that reward was in the knowledge, understanding and acceptance of each of life’s struggles and this is the last lesson that Katy, my big sister, taught me – which is never to stop loving, never to stop giving love even if it has been taken away from you . It is only in this way that we are indestructible. Life can take a person away before they die, it can harden them, close their hearts and make them reject the world. Only in loving can we be loved and even if we do not receive that love we continue with an open heart without expecting in return. This is love. Katy not only knew this, she embodied it and lived it with passion. She never let the hard times cut her down or make her cold.  And though she is gone her flame burns just as bright as it did in life. Love is an energy it can never die. And so Katy is Love.

I love Katy and miss her so much and hope that perhaps someday when I live as she has done that I may join her and be with her again.

by Katy’s mum Janet at Katy’s funeral service.

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